So how intelligent was I in taking this job? I have been struggling with that since I started here. This is the first job I've had that hasn't really gotten better for me with experience. It's become more scary and difficult as I've become more familiar with the people who I deal with. Maybe I wasn't too smart...
One of the things that makes this job hard for me is that it's set up to be like a family, with the "coach" being in a parental role and there all the time, except 2 days a week. There are 2 other coaches here besides me, and they have more or less made these residents like their own families. Unfortunately, I see this as a job, and I don't love the residents of this place. I do care about them, and I want them to have a good life. I want them to be safe and happy, however I do not love them. They are not a part of my family and I do not want them to be. I have difficulty with a lot of their behaviors. When we do something nice for them, like taking all of them out to eat, instead of appreciating it, they are more likely to throw a tantrum because they had to drink a Pepsi instead of a Coke, or something similar. They are likely to steal things as part of their compulsions and most of them are habitual liars. Some of them are like little spoiled children in adult bodies. Most are nasty and arrogant when they are caught in a lie or theft. Some throw things and others hurt themselves in tantrums.
None of this is their fault and I recognise that. I've had some major problems accepting their behaviors and being understanding with them. Some have mild retardation, others have had traumatic head injuries and most have seizure disorder. Life coaches only last an average of 2 years...I'll probaby be one of them, if another opportunity comes by. Sometimes one of the residents will say something like "You don't make me happy." I'm not here to make them happy. I'm here to help them make the right decision, to keep them safe, and to provide security while trying to help them live as normal a life as possible. I'm here to give them their medications and perform CPR and first aid when necessary. I'm here to wipe their noses and try to teach them skills that will help them interact with the rest of the population.
There is so much about the human brain and intellect that I don't understand. I had a lot of misconceptions about disabilities and retardation that have since been dispelled. I think there is a lot I don't WANT to know. I hope that if something terrible happens to me, if I should have a horrific accident, I hope that no one in my family will revive me and make me live a life like these people have.
6 comments:
I am sorry to hear about how hard this job is for you. I can't imagine. Or I can, a bit. I have a family member who is not as severe, but no matter what we do to help and encourage and support and pay - she will act like a child and ruin any chances of recovery. It is heartbreaking and yet, if we don't help, she'd be on the streets as a homeless person and would probably die out there without anyone. It is terribly sad. I feel for you. Hang in there. Even if you don't stick around - the time you have put in there IS valuable. The family of these poor people could not possibly care for them on their own. People like you allow them to have a life, too.
How is the pup?
I don't think I could put it better than Rani, so I'll just say "ditto". I do hope you find a position that makes you happy soon!
Don't be too hard on yourself. It's an incredibly challenging job and there's no doubt that it's doubly hard because you strike me as a person who always gives 100%. The gift here is knowing that this isn't for you and that you'll move along as soon as you can. Just because it's a stop-gap job doesn't mean that the clients are getting less than they should. You'll do your best, in the knowledge that this isn't for a long time.
Sending big hugs....
Thanks for all your sweet comments, everyone. Porter is fine, working with me at the ranch. I thought the beauty of animals was that they didn't discriminate and they love unconditionally, but I'm discovering that all that isn't quite true. Porter treats the residents of the ranch with humor and respect, but he will choose to be near a none mentally handicapped person every time. When he has a choice, he spends his time with "normal" people. I'm surprised that he does that. The handicapped tire him. He comes home after a week at the ranch and crashes on my bed all day. We don't sleep very well during our shifts at work.
I admire you for staying on, and I really hope you get a job you will love soon!
Your job sounds so demanding! I can't imagine how stressful it is. And with very little time off, and your own family else where.
*hugs*
You will find another job that you like.
Vicki
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